Journey to the West: PDF style!
by pinkdragonflame
Summary: Hehe^^! This is probably the reason why they don't let me own GM...
1. The Monk and his Muffins

Disclaimer: I don't own nothing…which means I own EVERYTHING!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!! *gets hit on head by falling star* Owie…

Great, Dramatically Booming Voice: And now, be prepared to see the side of GM that you've never seen before!! Behold…*cheesy music plays* JOURNEY TO THE WEST-PDF STYLE!!!

Sanzo: That is so pathetically lame.

GDBV: Well, I was bored! So sue me!!

Sanzo: I just might…

GDBV: You can't. Lawyers don't exist in ancient China.

Sanzo: K'so…

GDBV: HAHAHA!! *sticks out tongue, but it can't be seen as GDBV is a _voice_*

Sanzo: *gets pissed anyway* BAKA!! *draws out Shiny Sanzo Gun* I'LL KILL YOU!!! 

GDBV: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

~Due to some technical difficulties, all GDBV activities have temporarily ceased. The authoress and all supporting cast members apologize for the inconvenience caused. We assure you that normal programming will return shortly. Or as soon as we can pry Sanzo away from the speakers…~

*muffled screams and an abnormal amount of swearing can be heard from behind the "Ceased Transmission" sign*

(It is a beautiful Thursday morning in the realm of GM. The sunlight is sparkling off the Endless Plain of Sand, vultures are squawking nonchalantly, and the occasional youkai or two can be seen frolicking in the distance. Kanzeon is painting her nails green, Shien is braiding his hair, Ni is cackling to himself, and basically, everything is peaceful…)

Sanzo: SHIIINEEEE!!! *starts shooting at everyone and everything within a forty-mile radius* DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THOSE MUFFINS!!!!!!! THEY'RE MIIINEEEEEEE!!!!!

Goku: AHHHH!!! *dives behind rock* What was that for Sanzo?? You don't even eat breakfast!!!!

Sanzo: So? *grabs entire bag*

Goku: Saaaaanzzzooooooo…;__;

Sanzo: Urusai!! *whips out Giant Sanzo Fan of Utter Annihilation* Get your own!! *_WHAP*_

Hakkai: Sou desune, Goku-kun^^. It's not polite to take without asking.

Gojyo: Serves you right, bakasaru! Have you forgotten everything I told you about stealing stuff from Sanzo??!

Goku: *sniffle* Only do it if you won't get caught…

Gojyo: And??

Goku: If you're wearing protective headgear. 

Gojyo: That's my monkey!! *goes teary-eyed* Oh, I'm so proud…

Hakkai: Now I know what you were holding all those night classes for^^.

Sanzo: -_-++ BAKA!!!! ***_WHAP_**_*_

Gojyo: ITAI!!!

(Just then, Kougaiji and his troupe of Gyakumen Angels appear)

Kougaiji: HAHA!! We are the amazing Gyakumen Angels!! Hand over the Evil Sutra and no one gets hurt!! *pulls out giant laser cannon*

Sanzo: Gyakumen…Angels…-_-;;;

Hakkai: That's an interesting name^^!

Kougaiji: Well, it was either that or the Powerpuff Pretties…we didn't exactly get a lot of choice…

Goku: Waaaah!! Sugoi!! I wanna be one too!! Puh-leeeeeeze!! Sanzo??

Sanzo: URU-

Yaone: Ano…Sanzo-sama. Please…let me do the honours…*takes out huge, overly exaggerated mallet* HAAAAI!! *_BONK*_

Goku: X) Mou…no more buns…can't eat any…more…

All: oO

Kougaiji: Woah…Yaone…never knew you had it in you…

Yaone: ^^

Gojyo: Scary…I like it! *kappa-type grin*

Kougaiji: Keep your mind off my accomplices!! *shoots a giant beam of purple light at Gojyo* SHIIINEEEEEEE!!!!

Gojyo: *stares at purple beam as it whizzes off into the distance a good twenty feet away from where he is standing* You may be a prince, but your sense of direction is as bad as the saru's!!

Goku/Kougaiji: Hey!!!!

(About 100 miles away, Homura & co. are on their way back from the Laundromat)

Homura: *staggering under weight of 10000000.5-tonne plastic bag* This is the last time I agree to get the laundry done…

Shien: Sou yo…

(Suddenly, a beam of purple shoots out from nowhere and strikes the bag)

Homura: SHIT!! *inspects damage* It ruined Kanzeon's favourite dress!! *holds up what used to be a flowery dress with large, elaborate bows and frills and the words "Kanzie Rulz" sewn in bright orange lettering* She's gonna have me mow her lawn for centuries to come!!!

Zeon: Why do you have her dress??!! *imagines all sorts of _weird_ stuff*

Homura: Not like that, hentai!! *gags* Geez, you're getting as bad as Kenren…

Shien: What should we do, Homura-sama?

Homura: Take over the world, of course!! *strikes dramatic pose* Then, I'll finally be able to gain control of Kougaiji's Hyper Demon Facility and rule all of heaven with its incredible chocolaty resources!!  

Shien: I meant…about the dress…

Homura: Oh. I knew that…*thinks* well, we could always tell her that a flock of wild geese attacked us and chose to vent their frustrations on it out of all the thousands of clothes that were with me…

Zeon: Or that a swarm of bees were attracted to the smell of her perfume and ripped it to shreds…

Homura: Or that we were attacked by a gang of youkai who were after some half-decent clothing…

Zeon: Or that it always looked that way…

Homura: Hey…good one!

Shien: Sou ka…-_-;

(Back to our heroes. Gyakumen's Angels have already left, by the way. For lunch at MacDemon's …)

Gojyo: I'm so bored…

Sanzo: *still guarding muffins viciously* Then die.

Gojyo: OO I don't wanna die!!

Sanzo: Then be bored.

Gojyo: …

Goku: Mou…Sanzo…

Sanzo: No.

Goku: Just one??

Sanzo: _No._

Goku: *puppy dog eyes* Onegai?? I'm starving!!

Sanzo: *twitching* Is that right?

(A loud _WHAP_ can be heard from 20 miles away)

Goku: @___@ 

Hakkai: That's why you should have kept quiet^^.

Gojyo: Bakasaru…

Goku: *miraculously revived* Who are you calling a monkey, you kappa!! *begins fighting*

Sanzo: -_-+++

Hakkai: Maa maa…too much stress is bad for your blood pressure, you know?

Sanzo: Then I guess I should let it all out. *grabs fan and gun* YOU GUYS ARE DEAD!!!!

Goku/Gojyo: AHHHHH!!! *run for their lives*

Sanzo: *shooting fanatically* SHIINNEEEEE!!!!!!

Hakkai: Well…I didn't exactly mean it in this way…^^;; Are you alright Hakuryuu?

Hakuryuu: Kyuuuu!! *smiles in a very dragon-like way*

Hakkai: Yokatta^^! Want some tea?

Hakuryuu: Kyuu!!! *nods*

(About five hours later, all of our heroes are back and are relatively alive)

Gojyo: Itai!! *rubs huge bump on head* Did you have to be so violent??! Stupid, corrupt monk wannabe!

Sanzo: *cocks gun* Just be glad I didn't hit you with this!

Hakkai: Sou^^… *downs 50th cup of tea*

Gojyo: *mutters*

Goku: I'm still hungry though…

Sanzo: Too bad.

Goku:  Waaah!! *starts crying* Foooooood!!!

Sanzo: *visibly shaking with rage* 

Goku: *chants* Food! Food! Food! Food!

Sanzo: *just imagine a volcano about to erupt*

Gojyo: This won't be pretty…

Hakkai: *quickly fishes about in pockets* Goku , here-*hands over candy bar* you can eat this.

Goku: Yay!! *devours it in a gulp*

Gojyo: *restraining Sanzo, who has his gun out again* You know…bad things happen to little demons who eat too many sweets.

Goku: oO Really?

Gojyo: Sou de…look-*points to demon in distance, who is having an intense conversion with a mound of sand* Kougaiji gathers all the really stupid youkais like yourself and dumps them into a run-down, moldy old castle where they eat chocolates and cakes and muffins forever.

Goku: That sounds like paradise!!

Hakkai: It is…until they become insane.

Goku: Ore?

Gojyo: The demons get high on sugar and begin terrorizing people…destroying places…the works. 

Goku: oO Really??

Sanzo: Baka!! Why else d'ya think we've been on this godforsaken journey??!!

Hakkai: We're going to shut down the facility and set all the demons free again.

Goku: OO B-but I just ate sugar!! I've been eating it all my life!!! Will I end up like them??! Oh nooooo!

Gojyo: Run, Goku! Run before it's too late!!!

Goku: AHHHHHHHHH!! I don't wanna go crazy!! *runs away like a maniac*

(Long pause)

Hakkai: Do you think we overdid it?

Gojyo: Nah…he'll be back when he gets hungry.

Hakkai: Demo…what if he gets hurt?

Sanzo: *lighting cigarette* He's too stupid to get hurt.

Hakkai: Sou ka…tea anyone?

Hakuryuu: Kyuuuu!

(At MacDemon's)

Kougaiji: Yo! Waiter-boy! Another round of Coke for us all!!

Zeon: Again?? How much can three demons drink?

Dokukakuji: A lot more than this! Now keep it comin'!!

Zeon: *goes behind counter* Damn youkais…I'd shoot them all if Kanzeon hadn't threatened to turn us into pigeons…

Shien: *in goofy-looking cap* Sou desune…Homura-sama, how long do we have to keep this up?

Homura: *with frilly pink apron and mop* A long, _long_ time…

Shien: Oh…

(Pause)

Zeon: Well, it could have worked. S'not _my_ fault she has such good memory…

Homura: -_-++ Shut up, Zeon…just shut up.

= And so, the day ends pointlessly with Gyakumen singing in the shower, Lirin raiding the fridge and Gyumao playing Poker with Nataku=

Gyumao: I'll see your twenty, and raise you a ten.

Nataku: HA!! *shows cards* A royal flush!! Eat that, stone face!! 

Gyumao: Drat…that's the problem with playing with gods…they always win…

Nataku: HAHAHA!!! *takes out huge cymbals and begins crashing them around* I RULE!!!

Gyumao: *grumbles* Show off…

Nataku: NYAH NYAH!! P

*Hakkai pops up in a bunny costume holding up a big signboard that reads "That's all, folks!"* 

*Hakkai: Eh hehehe…^^;;;*

—End fic—

Ideas? Comments? Suggestions? Juz click the lil blue button below. ^-^


	2. The Coke Drinkers

Disclaimer: 

Goku: pinkdragonflame does not own Saiyuki (thank the three gods) or anything else that doesn't belong to her. If she did, I wouldn't be very alive…and neither would she… -_-;;; *stares at Sanzo, who is cursing in the distance*

GDBV: *somewhat fuzzily* We have got chapter two…

Kougaiji: Amazing! It actually spoke less than ten words for a change!

GDBV: Shut up…

Kougaiji: WHAT DID YOU SAY??!!!!! *grabs Doku's sword* SHHHIIINEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

~Hehe^^ the poor guy never gets a break…~

(It is a cold, rainy evening in the realm of GM, and our so-called heroes have decided to seek shelter in a deserted cave. Sanzo is currently being an exemplary role model of what a priest should be like, and is levitating, cross-legged off the ground, meditating in prefect harmony with the world while everyone watches in awe. Yeah right *rolls eyes*…like he'd ever do _that_…*hands out bullet-proof vests to readers*)

Sanzo: -__-+

Goku: Mou…

Sanzo: -__-++

Goku: Sanzo…

Sanzo: -__-+++

Goku: D'ya think it'll ever stop-

Gojyo: Don't say it!

Goku: Raining?

Sanzo: -_____-++++++ URUSAI!! SHINEEEE!!! *_WHAP*_

Goku: @_@ ITAI!! What did I DOOO??!!

Gojyo: *smirks* You said the "r" word. Bad move…especially on a rainy day…

Sanzo: YOU DIE TOO!! *_WHAP*_

Gojyo: SHIT!! Stupid corrupt monk!!!

Sanzo: *now has his gun out as well* I dare you to repeat that…

Gojyo: oO 

Goku: Haha!! XD

Gojyo: -_-++ *whacks Goku on head with a conveniently-placed metal pole*

Goku: ITAI!! Saaanzooooo!! 

Sanzo: Urusai…*_WHAP*_

Goku: ;___;

Hakkai: Maa maa…^^;;; *sips tea*

Gojyo: I think he's getting addicted to that stuff…

Sanzo: Not my problem…*lights cigarette*

Goku: *tries to get the muffin bag without being noticed*

Sanzo: ….*shoots without even looking up*

Goku: *gets a "OO" look on his face as the bullet whizzes by his ear*

Gojyo: Bakasaru…

Goku: I am not a saru!!! *jumps on Gojyo*

Sanzo: -_-+++

(Just then, Kougaiji & Dokukakuji appear looking extremely tipsy)

Kougaiji: WHHHEERRR *hic* AAREE *hic* THHE CCCOOOOWSS? *hic hic*

Dokukakuji: OOOOOOH….*hic* PWETTY STAAARRSSS…*hic*

Sanzo: What the heck are you two doing here?

Kougaiji: Wanna dwink? *hic* I wanna dwink…*takes swig from coke bottle* yaaarrr…dwink…*hic*

Goku: oO Eh? What's up with _them**?**_

Gojyo: It's the effects of too-much-sugar syndrome…

Goku: OO AHHHHHH!!! *runs of out cave, screaming insanely*

Hakkai: Heh^^;;;…

Sanzo: BAKA!! *_WHAP* _Now we've gotta go looking for him all over again!

Gojyo: ITAI…;___;

Hakkai: Mou daijoubu…we'll find him…

Gojyo: Eventually…)

Sanzo: -_-++ Want another whack??

Gojyo: Fine…fine…

Kougaiji: *suddenly sane* Oh yeah…I almost forgot…GIMME THAT THERE SUTRA!!!

Sanzo: Make me…

Kougaiji: Alright then, we will! Isn't that right, Dokukakuji?

(Doku, who does possess Kougaiji's amazing ability to go from drunk-to-sober in a nanosecond, is snoring in a secluded corner)

Kougaiji: -_-+++ 

Gojyo: Heh…So much for backup…

Kougaiji: Urusai! I thought of this! I know exactly what to do!!!

-1 hr later-

Gojyo: *polishing weapon*

Sanzo: *reading newspaper*

Hakkai: *drinking tea with Hakuryuu*

Kougaiji: *still thinking*

Dokukakuji: *snoring*

-2 ½ hrs later-

Sanzo: *smoking*

Hakkai: *drinking tea with Hakuryuu*

Kougaiji: *still thinking*

Dokukakuji/Gojyo: *snoring*

-4 ¾ hrs later-

Hakkai: *drinking tea with Hakuryuu*

Kougaiji: *still thinking*

Dokukakuji/Gojyo/Sanzo: *snoring*

Well, you get the picture^^.

-6 hrs and 100000000087 cups of tea later-

Kougaiji: I've got it!! *summons a giant evil Hello Kitty demon* Haha!! You're going down!!!

(He is responded by assorted snores)

Kougaiji: FIINE! Just ignore me…

(Everyone does just that)

Kougaiji: -_-+++ HEY, **LOOK**! GYAKUMEN'S STRIP TEASING ON A CLOUD!! 

Hakkai: *wakes up and spills tea all over himself*

Sanzo: What the fuck??!!!

Gojyo: OO WHERE??!!!

(Long pause)

Sanzo: *lighting cigarette* Perverted freak…

Hakkai: Ano…that's not very nice…^^;;;

Kougaiji: oO You'd actually _want_ to see her strip??!!

Gojyo: *turns redder than his hair* NO! OF COURSE NOT!!!!

All ( -Dokukakuji): YEAH RIGHT!!!

Gojyo: IT'S THE TRUTH!!!!!!! 

Kougaiji: *snickers* I'll be sure to give her the message…in the meantime, *impressive, battle-type music plays* I challenge Son Goku-

Sanzo: He's not here…*death glare at Gojyo* 

Kougaiji: Right…then, I challenge Cho Hakkai-

Hakkai: *looking up from tea* Ore?

Kougaiji: To a-

Gojyo: To a what?

Kougaiji: Oh will you stop interrupting already??!! I challenge Cho Hakkai to a Coke-drinking contest!!

(Dramatic silence)

Sanzo: That's _it_??

Kougaiji: Shut up…*drags Hakkai off to a table that magically appeared out of thin air* OI! Waiter-boys!!

(The 3 gods appear in 3 different POOFs of light)

Shien: Hai?

Zeon: *muttering* Notcokenotcokenotcoke…

Homura: *notices muffin bag* Heeey…muffins!! *takes a step forward*

Sanzo: *whipping out gun* Touch and die…

Homura: OO *freezes*

Zeon: Ch'…you call that a gun? *hauls out bazooka* Now _this_ is a gun!

Gojyo: He _has_ got a point there…

Sanzo: Urusai…

Shien: *chipping Homura out of ice block* What do you want, Kougaiji-san?

Kougaiji: Oh right…Glasses-boy here is gonna have a Coke-*ignores Zeon's spluttering* drinking contest. Think you can handle it?

Homura: Do we have a choice?

Kougaiji: No…not really.

Homura: Then why do you ask?

Kougaiji: Just felt like it.

Zeon: I'll kill them all…

Shien: Iie, Zeon-san…that would not be a very good idea…

Homura: Unless, of course, you fancy the idea of living on birdseed for all eternity.

Zeon: -_-;;; *shoves bazooka back in pocket*

Kougaiji: *smug smile* Alrighty then…now that we've reached an agreement…LET THE CONTEST BEGIN!!

Homura: This is so degrading…*snaps fingers and two bottles of Coke appear in front of each contestant* 

Shien: Sou de…

Gojyo: *staring as Hakkai and Kougaiji literally inhale the sugary liquid* How long d'ya think they'll last?

Zeon: I bet 50 bucks the demon'll be out cold in 15 mins, 21 seconds flat.

Gojyo: You're on!! 

-15 mins and 21 seconds later-

Kougaiji: *falls to floor* zzzzzzzzzz

Zeon: Ha! I win!! Pay up, flower-hair!!!

Gojyo: Darn…*hands over money* 

Sanzo: How'd you get that? 

Gojyo:…..

Sanzo: *accusingly* You took it from my wallet, didn't you??!

Gojyo: …Nooo…

Zeon: That is so bloody fake…

Homura: Even _I _could do a better job…

Sanzo: Big surprise.

Homura:…

Sanzo: *points gun at Gojyo* You'd better have an alibi…

Gojyo: Erm…I thought you had enough…and I _really_ wanted those magazines in the last town…so I swiped a hundred off you when you were bashing those youkai…

Zeon: *rolls eyes* Way to go, Gojyo…

Homura: That was such a _great_ alibi!

Zeon: No one will ever know what you did now!

(The two snicker evilly as Gojyo awaits his impending doom)

Sanzo: ……-_-+++++++++++++

Homura: *looks up* Wow! That's a lotta "+"-es

Sanzo: I'm pissed…so sue me…*takes out gun* ANYTHING BREATHING IN THIS ROOM IS DEAD!!! *begins firing randomly*

Zeon/Homura: *start running* What did we doooooo???

Shien: *having tea with Hakkai* Do you prefer sugar or milk?

Hakkai: Sugar please.

Shien: *tilts head slightly, allowing a stray bullet to whiz by* Sou ka…

Gojyo: *hiding behind Zeon, who is hiding behind Homura, who is using Hakuryuu as a dragon shield* Ch'…baka…

Sanzo: -_-++++ *_BANG BANG BANG*_

Homura: OO *ducks* Is he supposed to be a monk or an executioner? 

Hakuryuu: Kyuuuuu!!! *flies away*

Sanzo: *grows about 20 ft and looms in front of his three victims*

Zeon: *clutching on to Gojyo* Mommy!!!

Gojyo: *clutching back* Hellp…

Homura: He's…angry…

Sanzo: URUSAI!!!! *_BANG BANG BANG BANG*_

=And so, the day ends pointlessly with Gojyo, Zeon and Homura running off the screen at the speed of light, Shien having tea with Hakkai, and Nataku playing checkers with Jiroshin=

Nataku:………

Jiroshin: Ano…

Nataku:……

Jiroshin: *twitch* Nataku-sama…could you make your move? It's been two hours already…

Nataku: Matte! I need to think…

Jiroshin: ^^;;;;

Nataku:……

Jiroshin: ^^+++

Nataku:……

Jiroshin: Ahhh!! I can't take it anymore!!! *flees from room, singing the entire chorus of "Open Up Your Mind" ten times backwards*

Nataku: *blink blink* Was it something I said?

*Gojyo walks out in a huge ice-cream costume*

*Gojyo: I'd better get paid for this…-_-;;*

—End fic—

Ideas? Comments? Suggestions? Juz click the lil blue button below. ^-^


	3. The Muffin Store Mishap

Disclaimer:

Ritouden: pinkdragonflame does not own Gensomaden Saiyuki…I DO!! Hahahahahahahaa!!!!

Homura:……Someone kill me…

Sanzo: That could be arranged. *takes out gun*

Homura: Y'know what?

Sanzo: *putting in bullets* What?

Homura: I just realized that you can't kill me with that toy pistol of yours. See? *plays a flashback of a "Sanzo-shoots-but-can't-kill-me-cos-I'm-a-god scene"*

Sanzo:…

Zeon: NOW you tell me?? After we spent an entire half-chapter running away from something that can't even hurt us??!!!

Homura: It never occurred to me before…*shrugs*

Sanzo:…Ch'….*shoots Gojyo instead*

Gojyo: oO *runs off* No faaaair!!!

~If you're wondering why GDBV is out, *glares at Kougaiji* it's due to maintenance…nothing permanent…I hope…*brief glimpse of Hakkai, who is trying in vain to superglue the speaker back together*~

(It's morning. Not hot, not cold, not bright, not dark. Just…morning…)

Homura: I'm hungry…

Zeon: Don't say that…you sound like that Goku guy…

Homura: But I am! I haven't eaten in over two chapters!!

Zeon: Neither have we…

Homura: You lie! I know you stole Beefy Burgers from behind the counter when you thought no one was looking!

Zeon:…Was it that obvious?

Shien: Hai.

Zeon: Damn…

Homura: I want those muffins…darn that stupid selfish monk…

Shien: You could always go and buy your own.

Homura: Which store is gonna be stupid enough to sell food to a wanted fighting god?

Zeon: You don't have to tell the owner your life's history, you know?

Homura: Oh yeah…in that case, *dramatic spotlight shines from above* to the muffin shop!

Shien: Homura-sama…

Homura: Yep?

Shien: Do you have any money?

Homura: Oh gee…I must've left my wallet in my other cloak…the one with the yellow bunnies and fluffy clouds…

Zeon: Isn't that the same pattern as Kanzeon's evening gown?

Homura: Why are you so obsessed with that old hag??

Zeon: Heh…^^;;;

Shien: Disturbing…

Zeon:...Urusai -_-+…anyway…how do we pay?

Homura: Hey, that rhymed!

Zeon: -_-;;

Shien: We can't…

Zeon: Let's plunder the shop and steal their muffins then! )

Homura: That would be dishonest.

Zeon: So?

Homura: Good point…lead the way^^.

Shien: Sou ka…

-Back with our "heros" in their Jeep-

Goku: Saaaaanzoooo…I'm huuuungryyyyy! ;___;

Sanzo: Urusai…

Goku: Demmooooooooo…huuunggrryyyyyyy…-_________-

Sanzo: Say that again and you'll have nothing left to be hungry _with_…-_-++

Goku: oO Eep!

Gojyo: Bakasaru…

Goku: I am not a monkey!!

Gojyo: Yeah right…and the sky isn't blue…

Goku: It isn't? *blink blink*

Gojyo: Too complicated? Heh…

Sanzo:…Where are my muffins?

Goku: *guilty look* It wasn't me!

Sanzo: -_-++++ You…ate…them?

Goku: *frantically shaking head* No! No way! It was Gojyo! Honest!!!

Gojyo: And why would I want the baka's cheapskate cakes?

Hakkai: They're muffins…

Gojyo: Cakes…muffins…no big diff…

Sanzo: *taking out fan* You…_ate_…them?

Goku: Hehe…^^;;;;*inches further down in seat*

Sanzo: *taking out gun* YOU…_ATE_…THEM???!!!

(The back seat makes an odd squeaking noise as Goku disappears beneath it)

Sanzo: YOU'RE **DEAD**!!!!!!! *_BANG BANG BANG BANG WHAP WHAP WHAP*_

Hakkai: Ano…Sanzo-sama…please don't hurt Hakuryuu^^;;.

Goku: *crawling all over the bottom of the Jeep* Hakuryuu?? What about meeee???!!!! 

Sanzo: **SHHINNNNNEEEEEEE**!!!!!!!!!!!! _*BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP*_

(Just then, Kanzeon descends from the sky in a burst of heavenly light and confetti)

Gojyo: Overly dramatic entrances…-_-;;

Sanzo: *pointing gun at her* WHAT THE HECK DO YOU WANT???

Kanzeon: Heh…so angry…anyway, I wanted to know if you were interested in buying one of my Ritouden Puddings?

Goku: Who's Ritouden?

Kanzeon: Does it matter?

Goku: No…but how do you put someone inside a pudding?

Kanzeon: That's the _name_ of the Pudding, genius monkey…-_-;;;  Why would I actually want to put that asshole in my food?

Goku: Dunno…

Gojyo: Then why the heck do you call it that? You should name it "Gojyo Delight" or something…

Sanzo: Everyone who tried it would die of food poisoning…

Gojyo: Ch'…

Kanzeon: Oh for crying out loud…I don't have all day!! *impatient look* Are you buying or what??

Goku: I'll buy one!!

Sanzo: How nice…you're gonna trade it for your power seal, are you?

Goku: Heh^^…*produces a wallet*

Gojyo: oO The stupid monkey's _loaded_!!

Goku: I swiped it off Kougaiji when I bumped into him yesterday^^.

Sanzo: Ch'…baka…

Hakkai: *sipping tea* Goku seems to be picking up all sorts of useful habits, ne Sanzo?

Sanzo: Wasn't me…*lights cigarette*

Kanzeon: Here. *hands Goku a foil-covered container* 

Goku: *takes* Arigatou^^!! *hands Kanzeon a dollar* Keep the change!!

Kanzeon: Whoop-dee-do…I can now retire…-_-

Sanzo: You can now leave…

Kanzeon: I see you're as welcoming as always…know anyone else I can sell these to?

Sanzo: Anyone who's as stupid as him…*points to Goku, who has gone starry-eyed*

Kanzeon:…Riiiight…*disappears*

Goku: *opening pudding* WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! ^_____________^

Sanzo: *takes out newspaper* Call me when he's done humiliating himself…

Hakkai: Heh…hai…^^;;;

Gojyo: Hey Goku, do you know that that thing is full of sugar?

Goku:…*stares at pudding* OO *screams and runs off*

Sanzo: -_-++++ *takes out gun* Go and fetch him…and if you say another word about sugar, I'll make sure Gyumao eats you for lunch.

Gojyo:….*gets out of Jeep and chases after Goku*

Hakkai: You seem to have a way with animals…

Sanzo: Urusai…*folds up paper* I'm going to get more muffins before the brainless bakas return…

Hakkai: Sou…*drinks tea* 

-At the muffin store-

Homura: -_____________________-+++++++++

Zeon: Heh…gomen…^^;;;; But you _did_ say we could use force…

Homura: Sou…I said you could use "_force_". Did I say that you could use a hundred sticks of dynamite and blow the place to kingdom come?????!!!!

Shien:…A hundred and one…I counted…

Zeon: Heee… ^^;;;;;;;

Homura: Zeon…*takes out sword* 

Zeon: OO|||;;

(Just then, Sanzo arrives on the scene)

Sanzo: Where the hell is the shop?

Shien: You're standing on it…

Sanzo:…*glares at Homura* Did you do this?

Homura: *glares back* I'm not as demented as you.

Sanzo: *glare*

Homura: *glare*

Zeon: oO

Sanzo: *glare*

Homura: *glare*

Shien: *takes out a flask of tea*

Sanzo: *glare*

Homura: *glare*

Zeon: *gels hair back into place*

Sanzo: *glare*

Homura: *glare*

Shien: *drinks tea*

Sanzo: *glare* Baka…kami…

Homura: *glare* Baka…monk…

Zeon: OKAY!! Could we stop with the glaring already??

Homura: URUSAI!!! You'd better hope I find another muffin shop before sunset, or you won't have to wait for Gojyo and Hakkai to kill you!!

Sanzo: He did this?

Homura: Took you long enough to figure it out… 

Sanzo: -_-+++ Would you mind if I shot him to bits?

Homura: It doesn't work…try this. *hands over his sword*

Sanzo: …*begins slashing at Zeon* SHIIINNEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Zeon: AHHHHHHH!!!!!! *dodges frantically* SHIEEENNN!!! HEELLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!!!

Shien: *raises eyebrow*…Hn…

Homura: Seems like fun…*to Sanzo* can I borrow your fan?

Sanzo: *chucks it over and continues dismantling Zeon*

Homura: *catches it* Ahh…domo…*charges at Zeon* SHINEEEEE!!!

Zeon: OO AIIEEEEEEE!!!! _SHHHHHIIIIIIIIEEEEEENNNNNNNN_!!!!!!!!!!!

Shien: Yare yare…*drinks tea*

=And so, the day ends pointlessly with Zeon getting pounded into the ground, Gojyo dragging Goku back by the ears, and Kanzeon trying to sell Kougaiji her pudding=

Kanzeon: It's really good! 

Kougaiji: Sou…*eyes it warily*

Kanzeon: I'll even give you a special I'm-an-enemy-of-the-gods discount!

Kougaiji: *pokes it* Is it…safe?

Kanzeon: Of course it is! I made it myself!

Kougaiji:…I…see…*stares* oO

Kanzeon: Weeeeelllll??

Kougaiji: I'd like to…but I don't have any money…my wallet has conveniently gone missing.

Kanzeon:…Fiiiiine…*sniff*

Kougaiji: Why don't you just sell it to the people in heaven?

Kanzeon: I was trying to…until that brat of a Nataku switched it with some big shot generals' shaving cream.

Kougaiji: oO

Kanzeon: Let's just say it wasn't a pretty scene…-_-;;;

Kougaiji: Ah…*walks away*

Kanzeon: Hey! Wait! I haven't even shown you my cookies yet!! MATTE YO!!!

~Heh…I'm lazy…oh yeah…thankies to Genki for the pudding idea^^  *showers Genki in sweets* even if it's a bit…hazardous…^^;;;~

*Sanzo pops up in a muffin man costume holding up a sign that reads "Laugh at your own risk"*

*Sanzo: Baka authoress…-_-+++*

—End fic—

Ideas? Comments? Suggestions? Juz click the lil blue button below. ^-^


	4. The Fate of the Prince

Disclaimer: 

Shien:…She doesn't own it…

Gojyo: Wow! Wasn't that the most interesting disclaimer ever? *rolls eyes*

Shien:…*stares at Gojyo*

*A huge boulder falls from the sky and squishes the kappa*

Shien:…It is now…

GDBV: *sighs* Well, it could've been worse…

Hakkai: Oh? How's that?

GDBV: It might have been me…

Hakkai: Ah…sou desune…

*A giant green van falls from the sky and squishes the speaker*

Hakkai: It's worse…^^; *thinks* ano…pinkdragonflame would also like to give a big "thank you" and a hug to all her reviewers and readers out there…*hands out cups of tea* Gomen…I ran out of brownies…^^;;

~Hmm…maybe I should get a radio instead…nah…~

(It's a really hot afternoon in the realm of GM. Homura and Sanzo are eating ice creams on Zeon's unconscious body. Goku is using Hakuryuu as an umbrella, and Hakkai and Gojyo are fast asleep)

Shien: …What about me?

(Oh yeah…um…*thinks* you can drink tea)

Shien:…Sou…*drinks tea*

Homura: *to Sanzo* The ice cream's not bad, ne?

Sanzo:…Sake is better…

Homura: Sake-flavoured ice cream?

Sanzo: You got?

Homura: I think so…*fishes around in ice box* Here ya go! *throws one to Sanzo*

Sanzo:…*eats* Your friend makes a good picnic mat.

Homura: Yeah…I noticed…

Zeon: x___X

Shien:…*stares at Homura*

Homura: *shrugging* It's not my fault…

Shien:….

Homura: Not _entirely…_

Shien: Yare yare…

Homura: What??! It's the truth! Sanzo was the one who used the dragon on him!

Sanzo: *eyes Homura* Well, you were the one who whacked him senseless…

Homura: He didn't have any sense to start out with…it doesn't count.

Sanzo: Humph…baka kami…

Homura: Speak for yourself, baka monk…

Sanzo: Urusai…

Homura: Yadda yadda…want more ice cream?

Sanzo: Yeah sure…

Shien: …Sou ka…-_-;;

Goku: Ahh! It's so hoooot…

Sanzo: Look who's talking…

Homura: Sou…that chicken looks just about dead…

Goku: It's not a chicken! It's Hakuryuu, Hakkai's dragon!!

Homura: Well whatever it is, it looks dead.

Hakuryuu: *panting* Kyuu…

Goku: Ah! Oh no! If he dies, Hakkai'll _KILL me!_

Sanzo: I think "kill" would be a bit of an understatement…

Goku: Ahhh!!!! *grabs Hakuryuu* Whattodowhattodo???? *runs around in a circle*

Homura: *watching* Is he always like this?

Sanzo: *licking ice cream* Yep…

Goku: Saaanzooooo! Help me!

Sanzo: Why should I? You were the one who came up with that smart idea in the first place…

Goku: Deeemoooo…

Sanzo: *lighting a cigarette* Figure it out yourself.

Goku: ;___; *notices ice box* Heeeey…

Homura: If he's thinking what I think he's thinking…

Goku: *crams Hakuryuu into the box* There! *triumphant grin* Now he won't die of heat stroke!

Sanzo: *taking out newspaper* No…he'll just freeze to death… 

Goku: OO;; *quickly opens box and rescues Hakuryuu*

Hakuryuu: *is frozen solid*

Goku: Ahhh!! Wait…the extreme heat is sure to thaw him out soon!

(Storm clouds gather. It starts snowing)

Goku: Oh…no…

Homura: *hands Sanzo a fluffy yellow jacket* Weird weather…

Sanzo: *putting on jacket* Yep…

Goku: Nooooo!! *tries to chip Hakuryuu out using Noiybu*

Shien: *sipping tea*…

Goku: *grabs the tea and pours it over the frozen dragon*

Ice: *melting* Noooooooo!!

Goku: oO;;

Shien:...-_-+++

Goku: Eh hehehe…^^;;; Just think of the poor innocent dragon-life you've saved.

Shien:…All I'm thinking about right now is my tea…

Goku: Ah…but Hakuryuu's happy! *holds up the rather blue dragon*

Hakuryuu: @__@

Shien:…Sou…-_-;;

Hakkai: Ano...minna-sama…^^;;

Sanzo: Ah…Hakkai…you're awake…

Hakkai: Hai…demo, I have a teensy little problem…

Homura: What the heck is Kenren doing to your ear?

Hakkai: That's…sorta…my problem…^^;;;

Gojyo: Mshy thungh ish schuck tho hish conshrol devishe.

Homura: You have a duck who plays with mice? 

Gojyo: -_-;; Nsho…Hakkaish…tshell thsem…

Hakkai: His tongue is stuck to my control device. ^^;;;

Sanzo: *staring* Sick…kappa…

Gojyo: Itsh noht mshy fausht! Ihy dishn't knshow itsh wash snowshing…;___;

Homura: *starts laughing* Gwahahahahaa!! 

Goku: *is rolling around* Hahahahahahaha!!!

Shien:…*sips tea* Baka…

Gojyo: Notsh funnshy!!!!

Homura: Oh but it is! Just imagine-you're gonna have to run beside the Jeep whenever he uses it…

Goku: And you have to go shopping with him too!

Sanzo: And you can't smoke or drink sake any more…wanna turn over your stores now or later?

Gojyo: ;_____________; Nsho wahy!! *tries to pull his tongue free* Hakkaish!!!!

Hakkai: Maa maa…I think my ear is turning blue…^^;;

(Just then, Kougaiji and his troupe of Gyakumen Angels appear)

Kougaiji: Ha! It's us again! *reads off a slip of paper* By the supreme authority entrusted upon us by our…*stops suddenly* Do I really have to read this part?

Dokukakuji: Yeah…she insisted…-_-;;

Lirin: Just say it quickly and get it over with…ganbette ne, onnichan!! ^^

Kougaiji…Fiine…-_- *starts reading again* By the supreme authority entrusted upon us by our *cough* oh-so-great-and-powerful-leader-who-currently-has-a-severe-inferiority-complex-and-feels-that-she-has-been-undermentioned *cough*, we hereby demand that you turn over that godforsaken piece of cloth so I won't have to endure these utterly embarrassing entrances anymore…-_-+++

Dokukakuji: *stares at paper* Um...Kou…I think you added a few words…you're supposed to stop at the "Oh-so-great-and-powerful-leader" part…

Kougaiji: -__- Whatever…*to Sanzo* just hand over the sutra already!

Sanzo:…No…

Kougaiji: Oh _come on!! Do you have any idea how demoralizing it is for a demon prince to be part of an organization that bears his stepmother's horrible name??! I mean-what would __you do?_

Sanzo: *takes out a cigarette* Kill her…

Kougaji: oO *takes out a notebook* *starts scribbling* Note to self…invite Sanzo over for dinner…make sure a wide range of firearms are close at hand…

Homura: Why don't you just do it yourself?

Kougaiji:…Weeeeell…

Goku: Kougaji's scared!!

Kougaiji: *turning red* I AM NOT!!!

Goku: *dancing around* You are TOO!!

Kougaiji: AM NOOOOT!!

Goku:P ARREEE TOOOOOOO!!!!

Sanzo: -_-++ URUSAI!! *_BANG BANG*_

Goku: oO;;

Kougaiji: Oo;;

Hakkai: Gomen for interrupting…but what about Gojyo? ^^;;

Homura: I could always cut his tongue off…

Gojyo: oO;;; Nsho!!!!

Sanzo: Not a bad idea…there'd be less noise, and their problem would be solved…

Gojyo: OO|| Sansho!!!!!

Homura: ^^ *takes out sword* This should be fun…

Gojyo: AHHHHHSHH!! *tries to run* HELLLPSH!!!!

Hakkai: Ne, Gojyo…could you stop doing that? My ear is starting to resemble Kougaiji's…^^;;

Kougaiji: Oi! What is that supposed to mean?! 

Sanzo: *smoking* Need you ask?

Kougaiji: *sobs* Meanies…;___;

Zeon: Now there's a mature word...

Yaone: Eh hehehe ^^;;… Kougaiji-sama just has a different way of expressing himself, that's all.

Kougaiji: _Thank you, Yaone! It's nice to see that at least __someone here respects me…_

Dokukakuji: Hey! I respect you too! See? *kowtows before him*

Homura: Heh…jealous?

Dokukakuji: YES! I mean-NO!! I mean-hang on…I'm confusing myself…_;;

Homura: *eating a lollipop* Slow…

Gojyo: *dragging Hakkai off* ;_______;

Hakkai: *getting dragged off* ^^;;;;;

Homura:…Ooooh no you don't…*sends the fire dragon after them*

Gojyo: ITAI!! Hey…my tongue is free!! *does victory dance*

Lirin: Heee^^!! *joins in*

Kougaiji: LIRIN!! Don't dance with the enemy!

Lirin: Ah…gomen nasai…*toasts Gojyo with a fireball* Better?

Kougaiji: Yep.

Hakkai: ^^;; 

Kougaiji: Wait a minute-why the heck aren't those three bakas at McDemon's today? *points to Homura & co.*

Homura: Shh! Not so loud…*glances around*

Kougaiji: I knew it! You're slacking!!

Zeon: NO!! Well…maybe…a bit…

Shien:…We got tired of serving you…

Dokukakuji: Is that what you call customer service?? I want my Coke!!

Zeon: You say another word and I'll turn you _into a Coke…-_-++_

Dokukakuji:…Evil…-_-;;

Homura: It's our trademark. We wouldn't be trying to destroy all of heaven and earth if we were perfect lil angels, would we?

Dokukakuji: Good point…

Homura: Of course it is…_I made it! *smirk smirk smirk*_

Kougaiji:…Annoying…-_______- *takes out a cell phone*

Goku: *stares* Waaaaah…sugoi…is it candy?

Kougaiji: No…*starts dialing*

Goku: *stares* Is it a meat bun in disguise?

Kougaiji: *rolls eyes* Hello? Kanzeon? Just thought that you might like to know-

Homura: *shoves an inflatable pillow in his mouth* *grabs the phone* Ah… nothing…it's just that Kougaiji here _really wants to volunteer himself as your personal taster…yeah everything…cookies, muffins, cakes…the works…pay? Nah…I don't think he needs anything…_

Kougaiji: OO;;;; *struggles to remove the pillow*

Sanzo: *smokes*Heh…it was nice knowing you…

Zeon: Or not so nice…in either case, you'll be sorely missed…for about ten seconds, if you're lucky.

Hakkai: Ano...that's not very comforting…^^;;

Kougaiji: *has managed to free his mouth* I demand that you cancel that request you illiterate excuse for a fighting god!

Homura: Oh? And who was the one who spent an entire two weeks learning how to write the correct form of his name, which he has conveniently overlooked for the past twenty years?

Kougaiji: -___-+++ It was only one stupid stroke!!

Zeon: Yeah…but it changed the meaning of your name from Red Child to Purple Fuzzball…

Kougaiji:…Purple Fuzzy Socks…but that's besides the point…

Goku: *dies laughing and is reincarnated as a mountain goat*

Shien:…A mountain goat? *raises eyebrow*

Goku: -_______-;;

Homura:…Do they have muffins?

Gojyo: No, but you should be able to make some very nice lamb stew…

Homura: Aw whatever…as long as it's food! *takes out giant carving knife* Heeere, goatie!

Goku: OO;; *runs off bleating in fear*

Sanzo: *smokes* Brainless…

Homura: Oh darn…the main course ran away…*pouts*

Zeon: Oo;; *clutches on to Shien* I'm frightened…

Shien:…Let...go…*slaps him*

Zeon:…-_-;;;

Gojyo: *snickers* What's the matter, Zeon? Scared he got nail polish on you?

Homura: Hey…how'd you know Shien uses nail polish?

Shien:…-_-++ *hurls a borrowed Death Star (Which Darth Vader, not pink, owns) at his head*

Homura: oO; This…could hurt…*gets hit* Oooooww…#_#

Hakkai: *pulls out a kettle* ^^;;;;

(Kougaiji disappears in a flash of so-called heavenly light)

(Everyone stares)

Gojyo: *takes off his bandana* Let us all observe a moment of silence to reflect upon the passing of our dear, _dear demon prince, Kougaiji. I am sure that no matter where he is, he will always remain in our hearts as the poor, unfortunate git who was hauled off to be used as a guinea pig, and I thank Kami-sama that it's him and not me…_

Sanzo: Amen…*smokes* 

Dokukakuji: *is close to hysterics* KOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!! *sobs uncontrollably* 

Yaone:…*pats him on the back* There there…I'm sure Kougaiji-sama's just fine…^^

Zeon: I wouldn't be so sure…the last time Homura tried one of her apple tarts, he was purple for a month…

Dokukakuji: *starts wailing* NOOOOOOO!! 

Yaone: ^^;;;;;

=And so, the day ends pointlessly with Kougaiji suffering a fate worse than death, Homura dreaming of cute l'il duckies, and Nataku stuffing the hair of our under mentioned Gyakumen into a pot of glue=

Gyakumen: *screeches* YOU LITTLE BRAT!! WHAT THE HECK HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BEAUTIFUL CERULEAN TRESSES?!! *strokes her hair, which now has bits of shiny cellophane paper stuck to it*

Nataku: *smirks* You did say that you wanted an important role in this chapter^^!!

Gyakumen: And having the most prominent part of my delicate femininity disfigured and scarred for life is your opinion of an important role??!

Nataku: Of course! It's the comic relief!! *dances off happily*

Gyakumen:…-______-+++

*Goku trots out nibbling on the stalk of some unidentified plant*

*Goku: Baaaaaa….*

~Whee! I finally found out Genki's true identity^^!! Domo arigatou for all your support, Genki, and I wish you the best of insane luck in all your upcoming fics^^~

—End fic—

Ideas? Comments? Suggestions? Juz click the lil blue button below. ^-^


	5. The ::Extremely Hazardous:: Christmas Pa...

Disclaimer: Pinkdragonflame owns nothing but her evil math book and herself! And she's not very sure about that second option…-_-;;;

GDBV: In light of the upcoming new year, pinkdragonflame has decided to invite several characters from random anime and cartoon series for Meet-The-Saiyuki sessions! These brief and pointless interviews will be taking over the *gulp* Squash-GDBV-To-Oblivion sessions and hopefully, will last for a very, _very long time…*squeaks slightly*_

Sanzo: Ch'…the shorter the better…I'm looking forward to venting my frustrations on a helpless speaker again… 

Kougaiji: Yep…*evil look*

GDBV: _Someonesaveme…*cough* Anyway…today, we have Sanzo and Kougaiji as the interviewers *shudder*…and for our first hapless victim; we have Chichirii from Fushigi Yuugi! Yaaaaay!! *plays a clapping sequence*_

Sanzo: *lights a cigarette*

Kougaiji: *death glare*

Chichirii: *appears* *blinks* Daa?

GDBV: Take it away guys!

Sanzo:…*gets out glasses and reads the paper*

Kougaiji: *shifts the death glare from GDBV to Chichirii*

Chichirii: Daaaa? *twitches*

Sanzo: *turns a page*

Kougaiji: *crosses arms and glares harder*

Chichirii: *twitch twitch* Daaaaaaaaaa…

GDBV: Um…the point of this for you to _ask questions!_

Kougaiji: Are you immortal?

Chichirii: Eh? *blinks*

Kougaiji: Are you related to a god, a pixie, an elf, or have any other queer heritages that make you immune to bullets and/or physical fights?

Chichirii: Err…iie no da…not that I know of na no da…^^;;;

Sanzo:…*puts away paper and takes out gun* Good…

Chichirii: OO;; *teleports*

Kougaiji: Darn it monk! You scared him away!

Sanzo: Ch'…*turns on Kougaiji* You die then! *_BANG BANG BANG*_

Kougaiji: Ahhhh!! *runs*

GDBV:…Uh…I guess we've come to the end of this session…tune in next week for another episode of Meet-The-Saiyuki! Or what's left of them…

~Ah!!! I haven't updated this story in a millennia!! Sumimasen, minna-sama! *bows repeatedly* I was just suffering from holiday-gitis…my brain and sense of time were on vacation for the majority of 3 weeks…and now…I've got…*points to a huge pileload of untouched homework* -_____- My poor, lazy self is dooooooooomed….~

(It's a Christmassy day in the realm of GM!! Note the happy elves, red-nosed reindeer and random Santa Clauses that are wandering around. Add that to the Really Big and Sparkly Christmas Tree that magically sprouted overnight in Kougaiji's back yard and you'd have a pretty good picture…)

Kougaiji:…*stares at the tree* What the heck??!

(Haha! Oh well…let's leave him to rant and rave in peace, shall we?)

Sanzo:…*smokes and reads the paper*

Gojyo: *stares at a passing two-headed elf* Erm…Sanzo…

Sanzo: *glares* What?

Gojyo: *watches an evil warlord Santa gallop by followed by tens of thousands of bloodthirsty reindeer-riding followers* Nothing…oO;;;

Sanzo: Then why did you disturb me??! *_WHAP*_

Gojyo: Itai…T__T 

Hakkai: Maa maa…^^;; *drinks tea*

Goku: *is tied to a nearby tree* Baaaa! Baaaa baaa!!

Hakkai: Ne Sanzo, I think Goku is calling you…

Sanzo: Why the hell should I go talk to a goat??

Hakai: *patiently* Because he's _Goku…_

Sanzo: So?

Gojyo: He also ate your paper…and your collection of multicoloured fans…

Sanzo: He did WHAT??!!!

Gojyo: Yep…*nods* every one of 'em…even that spotted one with the cute lil picture of Kero that you loved so much.

Sanzo: HE ATE MY KERO FAN??!!!

Hakkai: Maa maa Sanzo…calm down…^^;;

Sanzo: Calm down??! CALM DOWN???!!!! How the heck am I supposed to CALM DOWN when my most cuddly nighttime companion is currently residing in his STOMACH??!!!!!

Gojyo: oO;;; Did you just say 'cuddly'?

Sanzo: *glares* Die!!! *to Hakkai* This isn't the first time either! I still haven't gotten over that muffin incident, and the saru'd better find a way to get my stuff back!

Hakkai: Demo, Sanzo…he's just a goat…he doesn't have any money…^^;;

Sanzo: Like hell I care?!!

Gojyo: Apparently not…

Sanzo:…Urusai! You go buy it back then!!

Gojyo: Me??!! OO;;;

Sanzo: Do you see any other red-haired kappa-looking gaylords around?

Gojyo: I AM NOT GAY!!

Sanzo: I'm sure Hakkai's ear would say otherwise…

Gojyo: *turns red* That was an _accident…_

Sanzo: Sure…and Homura wears ballet shoes…

(Quick flash of Homura back at the castle. He is sitting on his throne and trying in vain to pull on a suspiciously pink and pointed item of clothing) 

Homura: Shien! How the heck do you put these things on? *whacks self in the face* OW!

Zeon: Um…remind me why you're doing this again?

Homura: To get in touch with my feminine side. Kanzeon said it would do wonders for the whole "taking over the world" image.

Zeon: She also said that Goku was a beaver in disguise and that Sanzo ought to get a Mohawk…

Homura: *stops* Good point…

Zeon: *sighs* Where'd you get those anyway? *points to ballet shoes*

Homura: Duh. Shien's closet…among the frilly tutus and glitter. 

Zeon: Frilly tutus and glitter? oO;;

Homura: Yep…

Zeon: I WANT!!! *runs off to Shien's room* 

Homura: *listening to sounds of screaming* Hmm…I wonder if I should tell him that I traded his lacy stockings for a Doremon doll…nah…

(Back to Sanzo & co.)

Sanzo: -____- Okay fine…maybe he _does wear ballet shoes, but you're still gonna get my stuff back whether you like it or not!_

Gojyo: Says who?

Sanzo: Says me and the bullet that's gonna go through your brain if you don't…

Gojyo:…-_______- 

Hakkai: Ano Sanzo…it's Christmas…all the shops will be closed^^;;;

Gojyo: Hakkai! My _saviour!! *hugs him*_

Sanzo: K'so…*growls*

Goku: Baaaa!! 

Sanzo: Urusai! Bakasaru! 

Gojyo: Ah…but he's not a saru anymore….*grins*

Sanzo:….Urusai! Bakakappa!  

Gojyo:…I just had to open my big mouth…-_-

(In the deepest, darkest depths of Kougaiji's lair)

Ni: *runs around in circles* MY BUNNY!! MY BUNNY IS GONE!!!!

Huang (Did I get that right?): Just relax Dr Ni…I'm sure we'll find it…

Ni: But you don't understand!! Assistant Dr Smuffy is _everything to me!!!!! *continues running*_

Huang: You gave that toy a name??

Ni: Of course! And he's not a toy!! He's my bestest best friend in the whole world! *lip quivers* Without him…I'll-I'll *bursts into tears*

Huang: -_-; I sometimes question my sanity in putting up with you….

(Over to Homura in the castle which has now been covered by blinking, singing lights)

Homura: *is sitting on the throne and covered in streamers* That's the last time I try a decoration spell…EVER! *pulls a balloon out of his ear*

Zeon: AHHHHHH!!! *runs in and cowers in a corner* 

Homura: Oh it's you…didn't get any tutus?

Zeon: Iie…it's not that…*shudders* It's Shien…he's got a-a…*breaks down and cries*

Homura: *gets up* He's got a what?

Shien: *walks in holding-*

Homura: A WHITE FLUFFY BUNNY DOLL??! AHHHHHHHH!!! *runs to the corner and cowers with Zeon*

Zeon: WE'RE DOOMED!! IT ALL ENDS HERE! 

Shien:…

Homura: But it isn't even lunch time yet…I want my muffins before I die!

Zeon: *gives him a muffin*

Homura: *eyes him* Where did you get this from? I thought you destroyed the one and only muffin store in all of Togenkyo?

Zeon: I did…but it turns out that they were moving out anyway…new location for better sales or something like that…

Homura:…You mean to say that there was a place with muffins after all? AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME??!!!!

Zeon: Er…

Homura:…I'll kill you…

Zeon: B-but the bunny! And our horrible, painful demise at its claws-

Homura: Screw the bunny! You're DEAD!! *gets out sword*

Zeon: AHH!! *gets hurt. Very badly*

Shien:…*sits down and plays tea party with Smuffy*

(*snicker* Let's see what Kou's up to…)

Kougaiji: *is in the midst of trying to cut down the tree with a chainsaw* I'm busy!! K'SO!! *gets whacked on the head by a branch*

(_Fiiiiine…I guess we'll just have to feature our under-mentioned Gyakumen then)_

Gyakumen: *has her hair up in curlers* Oh…so _now they come begging for a close up…after all those weeks of sitting in the background…then that stupid god with his infernal bottle of glue….it's not worth it…not worth it I tell you! *stalks off into a dark corridor and takes a tumble down the stairs* What the-??! Where did __these come from??_

Nataku: *snickers and hides a box of inflata-stairways* I dunno…where indeed…^.^

Gyakumen:…Darn you! That totally messed up my hair! *glowers at him* I hope Santa gives you a big lump of coal this Christmas you brat!

Nataku: Me too! I've already got plans for it! *big smile*

Gyakumen: Oo;;;;

(Baaa baa baaaa….yep…we're heading back to Goku)

Sanzo: *is playing cards with Gojyo and Hakkai*…*has a "I'll-shoot-anyone-who-beats-me" look*

Gojyo: Hmm…*has a "damn-I-should-have-just-gone-to-the-bar" look*

Hakkai: ^^ *has a "I'm-gonna-win-so-why-bother" look*

Goku: *trots over to Gojyo's side and nibbles up a card*

Gojyo: OI! *waves hands around angrily* I demand a rematch!! Goku ate my king!!!

Sanzo: Too bad…

Hakkai: Ano…full house^^…*shows cards*

Sanzo: Ch'…*shoots Gojyo*

Gojyo: NANI?? WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?? *ducks*

Sanzo: You were too noisy…

Gojyo:….

(Ni runs in, followed by a distressed-looking Yaone)

Yaone: Ano…Doctor-san! Kougaiji-sama wants all available personnel to assist with the removal of that Christmas tree! You shouldn't be here!

Ni: *is frothing at the mouth* I DON'T CARE! I WANT MY BUNNY!!! *screeches to a halt and stares at Goku*

Goku: Baa?

Ni: BUNNY!! *runs up and huggles him* I WUV YOU BUNNY!!

Goku: x__X Baa…

Gojyo:…How on earth can anyone mistake a goat for a rabbit?

Sanzo: He just did…*smokes*

Hakkai: Sou desune…^^;;;

Ni: *snuggle snuggle* ^____^ Ni is happy now….*walks off*

Yaone: *sighs* He's so much trouble…*runs after*

Gojyo:…Kou must be really desperate if he hires people like that…

Hakkai: Sou…another game?^^

Sanzo: Iie…*gets up* Let's go…

Gojyo: Go? Go where?

Sanzo:To get Goku of course! Bakakappa! *_WHAP*_

Gojyo: Itai…ch'…for once I agree…T__T

Hakkai: Ah… I suppose we could always play later desune…^^;

(Homura's joint)

Zeon: @_____________@ Why…me….?

Homura: Go figure…*eats muffins*

Shien:…*puts Smuffy in a doll carriage and wheels it around*

Homura: *chews and watches* Ne…Shien…

Shien: …Hai?

Homura: Don't you think you should give that loony his doll back? I mean-who knows what he'll do….

Shien: Noooooo! It's miiiiiiine!!! *hugs it and runs off*

Homura: *blinks* Hmm…oh well…can't say I didn't try…*eats*

(Kou's backyard)

Kougaiji: *with a bottle of nitro glycerin* DAMNIT!! Why doesn't this stupid tree just DIE???

Dokukakuji: *is frantically chopping away with his sword* Hey Kou…if we can't get rid of it…maybe we could use it….

Kougaiji: Oh? And what are we going to do with it? Have a large-scale barbeque?? 

Dokukakuji: How bout a party instead?

Kougaiji: A _party??!_

Dokukakuji: Sou…

Kougaiji: Not to be rude or anything…but I'm the son of Gyumao; a demon prince who's currently on a quest to revive the greatest evil in the history of the earth…the whole "party" thing would seriously ruin my rep!

Lirin: Demo oniichaaaaaaan….*puts on puppy-dog eyes*

Kougaiji: *twitch* K'so…*glares at Doku* I hate you…

Dokukakuji: Was that a yes?

Kougaiji:…

Lirin: YAYAYAYAY!! PARTYPARTYPARTY!!! I'll go make the invitations! *runs off*

Kougaiji: *shoots Doku a "now-look-what-you've-got-me-into" look*

Dokukakuji: Heh…at least she's on top of things…^^;

Kougaiji: Urusai… -_-+

(Exactly 5hrs and 15 mins later)

Gojyo: *eyes the backyard* Where're the babes?

Hakkai: Ano…where's the sake?

Homura: WHERE'RE THE _MUFFINS??!!!_

Sanzo:…Where're the chairs?

Kougaiji: There are no babes, Doku's out to get sake, I don't eat muffins, and you can just sit on the floor!

Sanzo: Ch'…you call this a Christmas party? 

Zeon: Sou…I'd call it pathetic…

Kougaiji: Shaddup! How much d'ya think I can prepare in _5 hours??_

Sanzo: Much more that what you've done…

Kougaiji:…-_-++ I'll murder that idiot if I ever live through this humiliation….

Homura: *has conjured several truckloads of muffins* 

Sanzo:…You never said that you could do that…

Homura: I've never tried…*picks up a handful* Mmmmm…^_________^

Sanzo: *is already stuffing muffins up the sleeves of his robes*

Gojyo:…I dare not comment…you do it, Lirin…

Lirin: Hai! *hops up and down* Greedy piggy baldie monk!!

Sanzo: URUSAI!! *_BANG BANG BANG*_

Lirin: *ducks behind Gojyo* Haa! Missed me! XP

Gojyo: @__@ I wish I could say the same…*falls over*

Zeon:…I'm surrounded by idiots…-_-;

Shien: *is cuddling Smuffy*

Ni: *is cuddling Goku*

Goku: *has passed out from lack of air*

Zeon:…Only a miracle can save me from this insanity….

(There is a flash of light. And –lo and behold– Santa appears!)

All: *stare*

Homura: *chokes* _Kanzeon??!!_

Zeon: Ahhhhh! *squeals and crouches behind Shien* I'm not here! I'm actually behind a counter at MacDemon's! There's no way the Zeon the Honest One would ever be trying to get away from work! 

Homura: *chokes again, this time from laughing*

Kanzeon: *in a Santa hat*…*raises an eyebrow* Oh please…the Honest One? I expected something a little more original from someone like you, Zeon…*sighs* And, as disappointing as it may be, I'm not here to dish out any unearthly punishments or food…

Kougaiji: Whew…*fans himself* Thank Gyumao for that…

Kanzeon: I'm here to give you your presents, since you people evidently haven't bothered to go shopping for each other…

Gojyo: That's a lie! I'd _never forget to do anything for Hakkai!! I got him the __perfect gift! *fishes around in pocket* A…used tissue! Err…I mean…a…rubber duck? No! Oh come on...I've gotta have __something in here! *sticks his head in his pocket*_

Hakkai: Ano…^^;;;

Kanzeon:…Right…so like I was saying…*snaps fingers and a large assortment of presents appear*

Yaone:…Sugoi desu ^^

Lirin: *eyes widen about ten inches* WAAAAAAIII!!! PRESENTS!!!!!

Nataku: *appears* Presents?? Where???!

Gyakumen: *pants up* Hold…still…you…*gasp**wheeze*

Hakkai: *sits next to Yaone* My my…we're having quite an gathering here, aren't we?^^

Yaone: Hai. Kougaiji-sama is so generous, ne?^^

Kougaiji: Yup…I am, aren't I? *ignores several suspiciously fake coughs and "yeah right"s*

Nataku: *pulls on Kougaiji's sleeve* Ano…Kougaiji-san…

Kougaiji: Nani?

Nataku: *points* Dokukakuji-san is getting eaten alive by a rabid snowman. ^_^

Kougaiji: AHH! Doku! OO;;;

(Screams and animalistic snarls reverberate throughout the land)

Kanzeon: *claps hands together* So…who wants pie?

Homura: Ooooh…I do!! *bounds up*

Gojyo: Me first!! *pushes*

Homura: Gods before mortals! *teleports in front*

Gojyo: Ch'…geniuses before idiots!! *elbows Homura in the face*

Homura: Wielders of fire dragons before wielders of toothpicks! *fries Gojyo to a crisp*

Sanzo:…*walks in front of them both* *takes a piece* I think Gojyo's rule makes the most sense….

Homura: Drat…-_-

Gojyo: Next time, we make sure it's either of us…not some baka corrupt monk!

Homura: *shakes hand* You've got a deal.

Sanzo: I'm eating now so I won't kill you…consider it the advantage of stupidity…

Lirin: I wanna open my present! *bounces on the spot* Onegai? Onnnnniiiichan!!!

Zeon: *snickers* Yeah, oniichaaaan…I wanna open my present as well!

Kougaiji: *rolls up sleeves* Oh I'll give you a _present alright. A __real nice present…_

Zeon: Oo;; Eh…no thanks…*backs off* I'll survive without…

Nataku: Well I won't! *turns to Kanzeon* Can we open them now?

Kanzeon: Hm…let's see…*takes out a pocket horoscope* According to this, it's half an hour to 12 o'clock, Mars is in the fifth quadrant, and the Moon has turned green and sprouted yellow candy sunflowers…very bad omens indeed…

Nataku: Okaaay…how bout now?

Kanzeon: Yeah, I guess now would be just fine.

Nataku/Lirin: YEAH! *sprint towards presents and dive in*

Sanzo: Ch'…kids…

Gojyo: Speaking of kids…don't you think we should change Goku back now? It's no fun if he spends the entire night being strangled to death by a deranged scientist.

Sanzo: Whatever you want…

Ni: *holds Goku tighter* Iie! Smuffy is happy with me! Aren't you? *makes Goku nod his head* See?

Gojyo:…That man is seriously disturbed…

Hakkai: Sou desune…^^;;;

Yaone: Weeell….why don't we just give Dr. Ni his bunny? Then we could get Goku from him and Kanzeon-sama could change him back for us!

Kanzeon: I could?

Gojyo: Yeah…but there's just one teeny tiny problem…some poor idiot's gotta pry the toy from Shien's cold, sharpened fingers…

Kougaiji: No one could possibly be _that dense..._

Sanzo: *takes out a huge canister of chocolate sauce* Oi! Homura!

Homura: *looks up from his everlasting muffin pile* Hai?

Sanzo: *evil smile* Get that doll from your pal over there and this entire canister is yours.

Homura: No way! *shakes head fanatically* I'm not _that dense._

Kougaiji: Told you…*smirks*

Sanzo: Too bad…it's an _entire ten galleons of pure sugary goodness…guess I'll just enjoy it myself…_

Homura: *drooling* Now now…let's not be hasty! I mean-how could anyone possibly be so cold as to let a poor, innocent child suffer at the hands of a raving lutatic…

Zeon: Five seconds ago, that "anyone" was you…

Homura: Shaddit…*to Sanzo* So, if I get you the bunny, you'll give me _all of this?_

Sanzo: Of course.

Homura: *wide grin* Consider it done! *gets out a large metal hammer and a crowbar* Ooooh Shien!

(A large cloud of dust appears, occasionally punctuated by cute little _WHACKs and screeches)_

Kougaiji:…*to Zeon* Your boss is absolutely brainless…

Zeon: *is trying to mug a large, brightly coloured angel* Yup, that he is….

Nataku: *is sitting in the middle of a large pile of wrappings* Awww…I didn't get a lump of coal after all…

Lirin: *is in the midst of a sea of coloured paper* Oh? What did you get then?

Nataku: *holds up a camera* This. Looks pretty cool, though…arigatou, Kanzeon-sama! *waves*

Kanzeon: *blushes modestly and broadcasts her generous act on every channel of the Heavenly Cable Network*

Lirin: *pulls out a luminous, glow-in-the-dark snow globe and shakes it* Ooooh…magic…*stares*

Nataku: Sugoi! *takes a picture of Shien strangling Homura with his hair* This is totally awesome!

Gyakumen: Hey! I've been forgotten again!! *runs around waving her arms around like a hyperactive chicken*

Lirin: Here *hands over a package with the words "To the most cunning old hag on the face of the earth. Merry Christmas! With love, Kanzeon."*

Gyakumen:…She didn't even include my name…

Kanzeon: So I forgot! Geeze, gimme a break, why dontcha?

Gyakumen: *opens it* "Hair Care Secrets"? Well this makes me feel a whole lot better! *pouts and stomps off to her room*

Nataku: *stares after* Guess she didn't like her present…

Lirin: Yeah…don't worry about it though. Oniichan says that Gyakumen's a senile old dog with grey hair and a face full of pimples.

Nataku: Sou…*takes a picture of Kanzeon with her finger jammed in her nose* Ah well…I'm having fun! ^.^

Lirin: Me too! *watches the fake plastic reindeer drift aimlessly in the globe* 

Gojyo: Wow! That's incredible!

Kougaiji: *rolls eyes* 

Homura: *limps up holding the extremely tattered remnants of Smuffy* I got it...

Sanzo: *takes*Domo.

Homura: No problem…*holds an ice pack to his head* Oh, the things I do for chocolate…

Zeon: *eyes him* What'd ya do to the loony one?

Homura: *points to Shien, who is lying unconscious in a pool of caramel*

Zeon:…Right…I'll just pretend that that makes sense.

Homura: *shrugs* He hates sweet food.

Sanzo: *holds the bunny out to Ni* Oi, this is your stupid rabbit! Take it and gimme back my saru!

Ni: *stares at the bunny* Oh no! It's Son Goku! *lets go of the goat and flees to the safety of the castle* 

Hakkai: Ah…well, the good thing is that he left Goku…^^

Gojyo: The bad thing is that Kou's gonna be spending a fortune on that guys psychiatric bills…

Kougaiji:…Thanks Gojyo, that's extremely reassuring…

Yaone: Should I chalk it in next year's budget then?

Kougaiji: Hai, Yaone. Arigatou.

Sanzo: *eyes Kanzeon*

Kanzeon: What? Oh! Right…*waves a sparkly wand and Goku turns back into…Goku…*

Goku: Aaaaah…finally…*looks at fingers* I never thought I'd be so happy to be me again…

Sanzo: Humph…me too…*gets out fan and batters Goku to a pulp* *_WHAP WHAP WHAP*_

Goku: Itaiiiiiiiii!!!! T___T

Gojyo: Good to see you again, bakasaru! *cracks knuckles*

Goku: Heh! I've missed beating you up, ero kappa! *clenches fists* 

Hakkai: Maa maa….it's good to have him back, ne Sanzo?^^ *dodges a flying shoe*

Goku: Baka ero kappa! Get OFF my present!!!!!

Gojyo: Ah….that was yours? Good!

Sanzo: *is loading muffins into a giant bag* Ch'…idiots….

Kougaiji: Hey! Aren't you guys gonna open your presents yet?

Gojyo: What's the point? We all know it's gonna be trash anyway…

Kanzeon: *glare freezes a nearby lake and incinerates a mountain*

Gojyo: *takes his present* Wow! I can't wait! *forces a smile*

(There is a large flurry of unwrapping)

Zeon: Well…this is…nice…*is holding a neon pink flyswatter* 

Sanzo:…A laser guided sniper? *glances at Gojyo and Goku* Perfect.

Gojyo/Goku: *brandish identical running shoes* You'll have to catch us first!

Yaone: "My First Chemistry Set"? Just what I've always wanted! ^_^

Homura: Ooooh! Free passes to the Togenkyo chocolate factory! *evilly plots a hijack*

Kougaiji: A coffee pot? Gee, thanks…*eyes it disparately*

Hakkai: Ah…I've been looking for these everywhere! *fondles a dragon-pattered tea set*

Hakuryuu: Kyuu…*has a free pass to the Togenkyo drive-thru car wash and a jar of wheel polish*

Kanzeon: Is that all?

Yaone: Hai. Well, except for Dokukakuji-san and Shien-san…

Nataku/Lirin/Goku: That's okay! *proceed to open their presents for them*

Sanzo: Ch'…*takes aim with his brand new sniper*

Goku: Oo; *runs*

Nataku: Hmm…Shien got a make-up kit…complete with mascara and non-stick lip balm…*blinks* 

Lirin: Ano… Doku got a really odd piece of clothing…*waves a G-string underwear around* What do you suppose this it, oniichan?

Kougaiji: *turns red* I-I have absolutely no idea.

Gojyo: Hey, if he doesn't want it, you could always give it to me!

Kougaiji: *eyes him* Yeah….I'm sure you'd put it to full use…

Hakkai: Hai, he would too...especially on-

Gojyo: Shhh!! *covers Hakkai's mouth* Heh…^_^

Kougaiji: I'm almost glad you didn't let him finish…-_-

Sanzo: Sou…*smokes* Some secrets are better off remaining as secrets…

Homura: *is drinking chocolate sauce through a straw* I couldn't agree with you more.

=And so, the day ends pointlessly with Chin II Sou auditioning for a role in the opera, Kanzeon falling off a cliff, and Nataku having a spelling competition with Zeon=

Gyumao: Okay…Zeon, how do you spell cat?

Zeon: *obviously bored* C-A-T.

Gyumao: WRONG!! It's C-A-T!

Zeon:….-_-;;;

Gyumao: Alright, Nataku, how do you spell arteriosclerosis? 

Nataku: *with a big smile* A-R-T-E-R-I-O-S-C-L-E-R-O-S-I-S.

Gyumao: That's correct! *fireworks go off* You get a hundred points and a years' supply of candy!!!

Nataku: WOOOOOOO!!!!! *hops around the room* YEAH!!

Zeon: Hey! His word is so much simpler than mine!! I demand a rematch!! This game is biased!!!!

*Kougaiji shuffles out wearing an extremely frilly tutu, a scowl and a giant billboard that reads "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!"*

*Kougaiji: Damnit! Why could you get Lirin to do it instead??!*

~The credit for this fic's Ni-and-the-goat idea goes to doublekidz *showers doublekidz in pineapple tarts* . Many thanks, and gomen if I kept you waiting^^;;;~

—End fic—

Ideas? Comments? Suggestions? Juz click the lil blue button below. ^-^


	6. The Amazing Gojyo Magnet

Disclaimer: The only things about Saiyuki that is owned by me are the pointless ideas drifting about my empty head…

GDBV: And now, (after centuries of being put on hold) we have the second episode of Meet-The-Saiyuki! Yaaaaaaay! *plays the clapping sequence recycled from the last episode* Today's guest star is Miaka, again from Fushigi Yuugi, with Goku and Homura as the interviewers! Wow! How exciting!

Homura: *rolls eyes*

Goku: Boooooring…*falls asleep*

Miaka: *appears clutching a plate of chocolate-coated noodles* Mmmmf?

Homura: Chocolate! 

Goku: *suddenly wide awake* Noodles!!

Miaka: *eating* Yeach…whoch areh yoush?

Homura/Goku: Who cares???! *jump on her and try to wrestle the food away*

Miaka: Aiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!!! Tamahooooomeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! *rolls around trying to keep it for herself*

Suzaku: *appears in a flash of red light and snatches the entire plate away* Muahahaha! It's mine at last! Mine! All miiiine!! XD *disappears*

Homura: *blinks* Huh?

Goku: *stares* Nani?

Miaka: *starts crying* Tamahome!!!!

GDBV: Ummm…well, that went well…let's have a round of applause for Miaka, the Suzaku No Miko! *plays clapping sequence*

  
~School is evil…exams are eviler…therefore, I should be reporting my homework to the police and getting my teachers arrested! *runs this theory to my mom who slaps glue on my head and sticks it to my math book* T__T~

(It's a sparkly day in the realm of GM! Note the shiny cellophane sun, foil-covered trees and sequin-encrusted dirt roads! *Hands out sunglasses* Yep…sparkly is gooooooood….)

Hakkai: *with a circle of newspaper taped to his monocle* Ano…this isn't good…I can't see very well with this on…

Sanzo: *with reading glasses spray painted black* It's better than getting blinded by this ridiculous source of light, isn't it?

Hakkai: Ah…sou desune...^^

Gojyo: *with bandana across eyes* This stinks…how am I gonna see any hot chicks out there?

Goku: *has Sanzo's fan folded into paper spectacles* That's not so bad…but how am I supposed to see any food??!

Sanzo: *lighting a cigarette* Starve…

Goku: *sobs into Gojyo's shirt* That's not fair!!!

Gojyo:…I'd hit your head if I could see where it _was…_

Goku: *laughs and hops up and down on the seat* Hahaha! Serves you right, ero kappa!

Gojyo: Urusai! Bakasaru! *tries to punch Goku, but-*

Sanzo: -_-++++ *has Gojyo's fist rammed in the left side of his head*

Gojyo:...That silence…it could only mean-

Sanzo: *has gun out within a fraction of a nanosecond* SHINEEEE!!! *_BANG BANG BANG BANG*_

(Naturally, since he is currently visually impaired…he misses on all his shots. Terribly.)

(Up in the clouds)

Jiroshin: *is playing chess with Nataku* Check…

Nataku: Check what? Is one of my pieces in the wrong place or something?

Jiroshin: Ah…iie, Nataku-sama …it means that your king is in danger.

Nataku: *stares at the piece* But it looks fine to me.

Jiroshin: *twitch* Sou desune…but it is about to get killed by my rook…

(A bullet whizzes through the floor and puts a hole through Jiroshin's king)

Jiroshin: *stares at it in utter disbelief*

Nataku: Alright! I win! *dances on the chessboard* I guess you should have "checked" your pieces as well, Jiroshin-san! ^__^

(Back with the raving lunatic blind man)

Sanzo: *is still shooting away* DIIIIEEEEE!!!

Gojyo: *cautiously lifts up one corner of his bandana* Is he missing, or am I already dead?

Hakkai: You're not dead, Gojyo. Not yet, anyway…^_^

Gojyo: Now that's encouraging…

Hakkai: You're welcome. ^.^

Gojyo:…Bleh…*replaces his bandana with an iron helmet*

(There s a brief pause while the sparkly-ness abruptly groups together to for a giant, multicoloured parrot and flies away)

Hakkai: *takes off the newspaper* Ah…that's better ne?^^

Sanzo: *takes off glasses* Wouldn't say so…looks just the same as it did yesterday…

Goku: Pull over! Hurry!!!

(There is a strange screeching noise that sounds vaguely like a dragon in distress)

Hakuryuu: Kyuu!! O.O'' *swerves to avoid a large rock*

Sanzo: *has his head impaled upon the door handle* -_-++ Goku…you have two seconds to explain this…and counting…

Goku: I smell food! *leaps out of the car*

Sanzo:…-__-++++++ Hakkai…

Hakkai: Ah…but he did explain it^^;…

Sanzo:…It wasn't exactly the explanation I was looking for…

Gojyo: Aiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!!! *goes flying headfirst into the large rock. Which, of course, just happens to be made of--*

Sanzo/Hakkai: Lodestone…*both laugh. Or rather, Sanzo laughs and Hakkai tries to look like he's just coughing*

Gojyo: Darnit monk! This isn't funny! Now stop laughing and get me down from here!

Sanzo: No, I don't think I will…*lights a cigarette*

Hakkai: Ano…don't you find it strange that your lighter isn't flying over to the rock as well? It's metal, isn't it? And what about your gun?

Sanzo: *smokes* This, my dear Hakkai, is no ordinary magnet. *grins evilly* It's a very rare, one-of-a-kind…_Gojyo Magnet._

Hakkai: Ah…Fate is very cruel to him, isn't it?

Sanzo: Not as cruel as those three are…*jerks his thumb in the direction of the Homura-tachi*. 

Hakkai: Ah…I take it as he hasn't paid you back for the muffins yet…

Sanzo: I've got all the muffins I need. I just feel the need to watch him squirm in impending agony.

Hakkai: Sou desune…^^;;;

(The Trio of Dastardly Idiots walks up in sunglasses, flowery shorts and straw hats)

Homura: *grins*Aloha, Konzen. Uh…*peers over glasses* Your kappa's stuck on a rock…

Sanzo: Yeah, I know. You wanna get at him?

Homura:…*eyes him* You'd let me do that?

Sanzo: I'm feeling evil today…

Zeon: *mutters* You're always evil…

Sanzo: *death glare* You wanna negotiate with a pulse or not?

Zeon: *gulps* With one…I'm rather attached to it…

Shien:…*rolls eyes. Which would be pretty hard, if you stop to think about it…* Tea?

Hakkai: Hai^^. *gets out a teapot and a couple of scones*

Homura:…Do those two ever get tired of doing that?

Sanzo: No. And don't go off-topic.

Homura: Oh yeah…*stares at the flailing Gojyo* I guess it _would be kinda fun to land a couple of choice blows upon his helpless head…But what's it gonna cost us?_

Sanzo: Good point…*thinks*

Zeon: It had better not be anything even remotely related to dollar signs; we're flat-out broke!

Sanzo: I don't need money…I don't need a car *glances at the dazed Hakuryuu*…I don't need a babysitter *glances at Hakkai*…I don't need servants *glances at Gojyo*…and a don't need a pet *glances at Goku, who has found a gingerbread mansion and is chewing it to the ground*…

Homura:…Your saru's eating the fabled Palace of the Gods…Ritouden's gonna slaughter him…

Sanzo: So?

Homura:…Good point…anyways, name your price!

Sanzo: *glances over to the twenty-tonne sack of muffins that he has made Hakuryuu tow*…And I don't need muffins…*pauses* What the heck _do I need?  _

Zeon: You're asking _us_??!

(Just then, the trusty quartet of Gyakumen's Angels takes to appearing out of a magic lamp)

Kougaiji: We are-

Dokukakuji: The Gyakumen Angels-

Yaone: Give us the sutra-

Lirin: And no one will get hurt! *waves* Hello! Baldie Sanzo!

Kougaiji: Lirin…don't call our enemy names…only I get to do that! Now hand over the Evil sutra, you sadistic excuse for a holy man! I must warn you- *holds up coffee maker* I'm armed!

Homura/Zeon: *start laughing*

Lirin: Hey! Don't insult my onnichan! *waves fist around*

Zeon: *snickers* Why not? He deserves it!

Homura: The deadly coffee maker! Help us; we're all doomed!

Kougaiji:…So I was a little short of funds…go ahead; rub it in, why dontcha? At least I was creative.

Homura: *wiping away tears* There's a difference between _creative and __desperate, y'know?_

Zeon: *is wearing an oxygen mask and laughing non stop* Air…need air…*continues laughing*

Kougaiji: *turns red* Enough of this idle talk! Doku! Fetch me my Really Big And Powerful Weapon That Is Never Mentioned Because It Is Too Great And Powerful!

Dokukakuji:…It's name is even longer than mine…

Kougaiji: I know…Weird, isn't it?

Dokukakuji: Yup…*shrugs and hauls it out*

Zeon: *stares*…It's a chocolate bar…

Sanzo:…Cadburys…pathetic, but tasty…

Homura: CHOCOLATE! GIMME!!!! *zaps Doku to the World Beyond and swallows the 20 ft Cadbury bar alive*  

Yaone: Ah…well at least Kougaiji-sama always has a backup plan! ^^

Kougaiji:…

Yaone: *looks at him* You _do have a backup plan, don't you?_

Kougaiji: Ahaha…of _course_ I do…um…my plan is to uh…hold Sanzo's newspaper for ransom! *runs up and grabs the paper* Now, give me the Evil Sutra or the paper gets burnt!

Sanzo:…Go ahead…that's yesterday's paper; I was going to throw it away anyway.

Kougaiji: Oh damn _it_! Why don't my plans ever work?

Sanzo: Because you're mentally retarded?

Homura: And psychologically unstable…

Zeon: And about to be eaten by a giant jelly monster…

Kougaiji: OO; Lirin! I thought I told you not to go fooling around in that wacko Nii's lab!

Lirin: *cheerfully* You did, but since when did I ever listen to you?

Monster: *bubbles up and promptly steals Kougaiji's earrings*

Kougaiji: Heeeeey! Those are mine! Hey! *glares* Come back here! *chases after the monster*

Lirin: Well…I guess we're off again, ne Yaone-san?

Yaone: Hai…^^ We're always off again…

(The two leave with the hopes of catching up with Kougaiji before he catches up with the monster)

Shien:…*sips tea* Well…that was pointless…as always…

Hakkai: *nibbles on a scone* Sou desune…but we lead pointless lives anyway, so I guess I'm kind of used to it…^^

Homura: Oh well…*takes out the Holy Sutra and starts redecorating it with Magic Markers*

Sanzo: *stares at him* What's it say anyways?

Homura: This? Something about purple sheep and flying llamas feeding on radioactive gummibears…

Sanzo:…And we're killing each other over a sheet filled with nonsensical gibberish?

Homura: Technically, I'm not actually trying to kill you at the moment, but yeah…I guess we are.

Sanzo:…And Kougaiji needs it to revive that oversized father of his?

Homura: Demons and livestock…what can I say?

Sanzo:… I'm not even going to try to understand…*turns back to Gojyo*

Gojyo: Moooooonnnnnk!!!!! GET ME DOWN!!!!

Sanzo: You know what…I think I'll be nice today…I'll let you beat up the kappa for free.

Zeon: Seriously?

Sanzo: No. But it will be for free until I think of something I want from you guys…

Homura: That's good enough for me! *hops up* You coming Shien?

Shien:…Iie…violence is not my cup of tea…*looks at his cup* Yes…definitely not…

Zeon: Suit yourself…*shrugs*

Gojyo: Uh…Sanzo? Monk? Buddy?? Don't let them do this!! *struggles fanatically* NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Sanzo: *gets out muffins and watches* That's for Kero, you bakakappa…

=And so, the day ends pointlessly with Gojyo's face getting remodeled, Gyakumen learning how to waltz, and Nataku skulking around talking pictures without anyone noticing=

Jiroshin: Hm…*is modeling in front of a mirror wearing one of Kanzeon's more err…revealing…dresses* I still think this is a bit much, even for a fancy dress party…

Rojun: Whatever…*is in high heels and a frilly skirt* Let's just get this over with and hope everyone else will be too embarrassed by their own costumes to notice…

(There is a bright flash and a whirring click)

Rojun: *blinks* What the heck was that?

Jiroshin: I dunno…aliens?

Rojun:…So they _are_ out there…I knew it! And they told me I was delirious…

Jiroshin:…-_-;;

*The Jelly Monster slobbers up and wobbles slightly, leaving behind a trail of slime that strangely resembles Kougaiji*

*Jelly monster: Blorp!*

~Ah…gomen, gomen…I know I haven't been writing in _ages! ^^;; Just been too darned lazy to get my fingers working again…that and the evil exams that are creeping up on me…but they won't take me alive! They won't! *hides behind a fortress made of marshmallow and arms herself with tomato pudding* Never! Bwahahahahaha! On a saner note, I might have to bar myself from ff.net in the near future…sometime around June-ish to late November. One of those nasty do-well-or-die scenarios…But I haven't been on that often anyways, so it prolly won't make that much of a diff…^^; I _can_ promise that when I do get back into fic writing, I keep this updated as often as possible. Might even try my hand at a sensible fic or two…any suggestions? =P neways, arigatou for reading this, and may the insanity always be with you.~_

—End fic—

Ideas? Comments? Suggestions? Juz click the lil blue button below. ^-^


	7. The Almighty Keyboard of Doom

Disclaimer: I don't own it, own it own it own it, I don't own it, own it own it own it…

GDBV: And today, as our dear authoress bravely defies her mother's commandment and sneaks online, we have Tokiya Mikagami, from Flame of Recca, as our next interviewee! YAAAY!!! *tries to play the clapping sequence but finds that it can't* Huh?

Tokiya: *sniffs* Junk equipment…

GDBV: I am NOT junk! I'm just…a waste of wires and plastic…but anyway, we're all _really_ happy to see you, so YAY!

Tokiya:…And I just sit here?

GDBV: No…you answer questions that are _supposed to be provided by the cast…which has…vanished…_

Tokiya: Oh. *walks off*

GDBV:…I'm _so gonna be fired T_T…_

(Outside)

Sanzo: *smoking* Well done my friend.

Zeon: Whatever. Just remember your end of the deal.

Sanzo: *grins* Of course. *hands him a copy of _Heavy Artillery for Beginners_* They mail you a complementary submachine gun after the second chapter.

Zeon: Good. *pockets it*

~Shh...I'm not here…really, I'm not! I'm actually studying for my exams, which, strangely enough, are more than four months away. Weird? Yes…*dons a camouflage suit and hides the computer under an Invisibility Cloak*~

(It's a heavenly day in the realm of GM! Of course, that's probably because we're currently _in_ Heaven…Note the disgruntled janitors, rabid unicorns and cross-dressing dragon gods that are frolicking around in this blissful place!)

Rojun: *is skulking behind flower pots, still in high heels and the (very pink) skirt* Bloody clothes…how the heck was I supposed to know Kanzeon sticks "Remove-me-not" spells on all of them?

Jiroshin: *is hiding behind a chopstick* It's all a matter of perception…they'll never see me…

(Obviously, everyone _does _see him, but due to the limited amount of cloth on his erm…figure?, they all pretend not to.)

Random Palace Guard: *eyes are close to popping out of his skull* Maybe it's not too late to join the Heavenly Ground Unit…

(Back on earth. In a desert. Somewhere…)

Gojyo: *has had the left side of his hair ripped off from pulling himself off the magnet* This is _so_ unfair!!!! None of the others get embarrassed like this! It's like the whole world is out to get me…*bends over to tie his shoelaces and narrowly misses getting scalped by an arrow* For once, I'd like to see things go _my_ way…

(There is a flurry of staples and live worms)

Gojyo:…Great…just…great…-_-

Ritouden: *hums a cheesy theme song* Dum dum dum dum dum!! It is I-Ritouden the Great! Ruler of Armies; Maker of Cheese; Future Conqueror of all of Tenkai; Hairdresser Extraordinaire-

Gojyo: All right all right; I get it already!! Sheesh…whadaya want anyway? *lights a cigarette*

Ritouden: *stares* Ah…I see you still remain as oblivious to health issues…as always…

Gojyo: And that's supposed to make sense to me?

Ritouden: No. It is not. For the mortal eye cannot hope to understand the qualities of divine beauty and splendor and grace of my words…

Gojyo:…That's really nice of you, but I'm already going out with Hakkai.

Ritouden:…That's…not what I meant…

Gojyo: Hmm? I'm sorry…I was distracted by that humongous boil on your face…*pokes it with a stick* Does it have its own zip code or something?

Ritouden: Gaah!! *swats the stick away* It was that stupid brat Nataku! He put poison ivy in my facial cream again…

Gojyo: Again? O_o

Ritouden: But at least it wasn't the shower gel or anything…I mean, the last time-but who gives a damn about how I look like anyway??! I'm here to grant you an immense favour!

Gojyo: This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that Goku ate your candy house and you're currently seething with rage and intend to use an innocent young mind like mine and bend it unwittingly to your evil will so that I'll fit perfectly into a diabolical scheme, would it?

Ritouden:…Erm…no?

Gojyo: Good! Now the baka monk can't whack me. So, what were you saying about the favour?

Ritouden: Favour! Right! *pulls out a keyboard and chucks it towards Gojyo* This is the Almighty Keyboard of Doom. Whatever you type on it comes true.

Gojyo: Reeeaaaaally now? *eyes it wickedly*

Ritouden: And if you're even _thinking about testing it on me…_

Gojyo: Naw…wouldn't waste my time…*types* =_And__ the sky suddenly turns red and rains down candy apples…=_

(Crimson clouds fill the air. An assortment of sugary apples congregates like a flock of seagulls before falling straight down and squishing a passing pigeon)

Gojyo: O_O Woah…I'll take it! How much?

Ritouden: *is stuffing the unconscious bird into his pocket* How much? For you, it's free!

Gojyo: *eyes him* Free?

Ritouden: Yep. ^_^

Gojyo: All _right!! *runs back to the rest of Sanzo & co, intent on getting some much-needed revenge*_

Ritouden: Heh…that's right Kenren…have all the fun you can…while it lasts…*put on a very evil face that strangely resembles a choking stag beetle* BWAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHA! HAHA-*gag**splutter**cough*

(And now, we feature our under-mentioned Gyakumen!)

Gyakumen: *has her hair up in curlers* TV…good…*flips through channels*

(Oh dear…it seems as though the satellite signals have turned her already soft brains into mush…what_ever shall we do?)_

Lirin: *raises hand* I know what to do! *picks up a pink, smiley-faced phone* We need Nataku Man, Boy Demon and the Sword! 

Nataku: *teleports in even before the numbers were dialed* Nataku Man's ready for action! 

Kougaiji: *slouches in* Boy Wazzisnames's here…

Dokukakuji: Yeah. So is the Knife! 

Kougaiji: Sword…

Dokukakuji: Scissors?

Kougaiji:…Never mind…

Lirin: *points to Gyakumen, who is drooling all over the couch* She's been taken hostage by the evil mind-controlling Box! You guys gotta save her!

Kougaiji: We do?

Lirin: _Yes!!_

Kougaiji:…Fine…Sword, go stick your sword in the Box so we can get back to our card game.

Dokukakuji: *is trying to dissect flying mosquitoes*

Kougaiji:…Well, I sure as heck ain't going to  save her…you go, Boy Brat.

Nataku: I'm Nataku _Man_!

Kougaiji: Whatever…

Nataku: *grabs his sword* By the powers of light and good and hope and truth and justice and righteousness and peace and calm and-

Kougaiji: *gritting his teeth* Will you just get on with it…_please_?

Nataku: I will now destroy the Box! *rams his sword through the TV's screen and it explodes in a shower of sparks*

Gyakumen: *clutches her face* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Lirin: *shakes head* Post traumatic stress…I see it all the time on TV…poor thing…we've lost her forever…

(Back with the conspiring, scheming Kappaman)

Gojyo: Heeeya Sanzo ol-buddy-ol-pal…just wondering if you still remember the little…_incident _with that magnet thing…

Sanzo: *snorts* Remember it? I made a special note in my diary, complete with pictures, video footage and snide comments at the sides.

Gojyo: -_-+ I see…well, I wonder how you'd react if I told you that say…_I found a way to even the score_?

Sanzo: I'd say that you scraped off more of your head than you'd like to mention…why?

Gojyo: Oh…no reason…*takes out the keyboard* *types* _=Then Sanzo dances the can can in a dress with a cow…=_

(A cow appears out of thin air, links arms with suddenly feminized Sanzo and starts dancing and mooing alternately)

Sanzo: What the bloody-

Gojyo: *waves the keyboard and smiles* I'd watch my mouth, if I were you.

Sanzo: Bakakappa… *fishes around in his ruffles and sequins and laces in an attempt to locate his gun and/or sniper*

Gojyo: *laughing and typing* =_And__ the monk's gun turned into a salmon and his sniper flew to the moon…=_

Sanzo: *pulls out a fish and stares as the sniper goes zooming out of sight*

Goku: *walks up from the trip to the Togenkyo Burger Palace* What's going on, ero kappa? I thought I just saw Sanzo's gun flying off somewhere…*chews on a burger*

Gojyo: It _was flying off somewhere… *types*__=The baka saru's burgers all start attacking him…=_

(The burgers grow fangs between the cheese and tomato sauce and start snapping at Goku's fingers)

Goku: Ouch! Nanda??! Ow! AHHHHHHH!!!!! *runs*

Gojyo: *is in hysterics* This is _fun_!!

Hakkai: *emerges from the boot of the jeep* Ano… what's fun, Gojyo? And-Sanzo!

Sanzo: *growling* WHAT??! *still dancing*

Hakkai: Ah…nothing^^;;…

Gojyo: Hakkai? But I don't want to mess around with _you_…*grins* not yet anyway…*types* =_Hakkai__ goes back into the boot to have tea until Gojyo is done tormenting the saru and the bozou…=_

Hakkai: *disappears back into the truck* Ahh…tea…

Sanzo: *still hopping to the cow's moos* You're. Going. To. Die.

Gojyo: *smirking* I. Don't. Think. So. *types*_=The monk's hair falls off and is replaced with cotton candy…=_

(Sanzo's golden tresses collapse to the ground in a heap and are replaced by stringy sheets of candy)

Goku: *running past* Sanzooooooo!! I _liked _your hair!

Sanzo: *turning red* So did I -__-++…*birds land on his shoulders and peck at his head*

Gojyo: *is rolling around in circles and laughing his head off*

Sanzo: *twitching madly* What I'd do for my gun…-_-+++

Gojyo: Ah…but you don't have it anymore, do you? You'll never shoot at me again! *types*_=The bozou's nose is replaced by a sausage, and his feet turn into jelly=_

(Sanzo is now wobbling to the beat; nose flapping all over the place and hair basically disappearing. Needless to say, he has also clenched his fists so tightly that several air molecules in the vicinity of his hands were heard suffocating and screaming for help)

Sanzo:…*now speaking through his teeth* Where the hell did you get that thing anyway, you bakakappa?

Gojyo: Dunno…some ugly old dude with a serious skin problem gave it to me…*thinks of something to do to Goku*

Sanzo:…Ritouden?

Gojyo: Yeah…that was his name…*types*=_The__ saru turns into a monkey with webbed feet and his meat buns turn into pelicans…=_

(Goku chatters angrily and swipes at the pelicans with his tail)

Sanzo: *smiles slowly*

Gojyo: *notices immediately and freezes* Why do you have that look on your face?

Sanzo: *still smiling. And dancing, and being eaten* What look?

Gojyo: The one that says you've got a plan than will get you out of this fix and get me into a whole bunch of pain…

Sanzo: Hn…perceptive…but you know what they say; the best way to get upstream is to get a boat and paddle…

Gojyo: *blinks*…Huh? What's that supposed to mean?

Sanzo:…I dunno…I just like saying it…

Gojyo: -_-;;;

Sanzo: *still smiling* Just wondering though…you wouldn't happen to have any chocolate on you, would you?

Gojyo: Eh? Well…yeah…I think so…why?

Homura: *leaps ten feet from a nearby palm tree and tackles him* CHOCOLATE!! GIMMEE!!!

Sanzo:…Oh…no reason…

Gojyo: Ack! Get off me! 

Homura: *grabs him by the boots and starts shaking* Not until you give me the chocolate!

Gojyo: *reaching for the keyboard*

Zeon: *picks it up* Heeeey…what do we have here? *turns it over* There's a label. Property…of…Ritouden…EEW!!! *drops it* I've got COOTIES!!! YUCK!!

Shien: *rolls his eyes. Or tries to, anyway*  Yadda yadda…*ducks into the boot to have tea with Hakkai*

Zeon: *is scrubbing his hands with a cactus* I've been CONTAMINATED! Scarred for life!!!

Homura: *drops Gojyo* You're in cahoots with the old guy?? Traitor!

Sanzo:…I was thinking the exact same thing…

Homura: *blinks*

Zeon: *stares*

Homura: Uh…Konzen…

Zeon: What're you _doing_?

Sanzo:…What does it _look_ like I'm doing?

Zeon:…Dancing?

Homura: In a …*gulps*dress…

Zeon: With a cow…

Homura: *jumps* Kanzeon's here?

Gojyo: *rolls eyes* No, you idiot…*grabs the keyboard at last* I made him do it! Ritouden gave me a keyboard of power! The world is at my fingertips!!

Sanzo: *ignores him*…If my memory is correct, you two owe me for your damage to the kappahead…

Zeon: Oh yeah…drat…I was hoping you forgot…

Homura: You want us to kill him?

Sanzo:…I thought about it, but no…I still need someone to carry my bags. Just get that idiotic thing away from him so I can pound him into oblivion with Mr. Fan here…

Zeon: It…has a name?

Sanzo: Yep…named it yesterday, when it drove a hole through a youkai's skull…*pats fan fondly*

Fan: *squirms happily and glows with pride*

Homura:…O.o;

Zeon: My thoughts exactly…*to Sanzo* So…after we do this…we'll be even right?

Sanzo:…Did I say that?

Homura: Then what's the point of us risking our health and sanity for a monk who'd be better off to us dead anyway?

Sanzo: I got discount cards to Kougaiji's Cookie Emporium…

Homura: Deal!

Zeon:…Y'know…you've got nothing to worry about, Homura…you never had any sanity to lose in the first place…

Homura: I know. *grins*

Zeon: *sighs* Oh well…*shrugs* Shall we?

Homura: *grinning even boarder* Let's…

(The two Stooges (the third Stooge finally got tired of their senselessness and decided to evade their company) walk up to Gojyo, who is still spouting off gibberish about world domination and flying alligators and eighteen wheelers with caramel windscreens)

Zeon: Oi! *pokes him*

Gojyo: Ouch! *glares* What'd you do that for?

Zeon: Felt like it…that and the fact that you're talking like a complete imbecile…

Homura: A moron…

Zeon: A brainless oaf…

Homura: And an idiot besides…

Gojyo: Yeah? Well…*starts typing*=_Homura__ turns into a fairy pig with polka dotted wings and Zeon simply ceases to exist=_

(Nothing happens)

Gojyo: I didn't need you to tell me that!

Zeon: Y'see…Ritouden forgot to mention one teeny tiny flaw about that machine…

Homura: Either that, or he's even stupider than we thought.

Zeon: *nods* Anyway, that keyboard is only useful against people who have no idea what it is. 

Homura: We used it as an April Fool's gag last year…turned all of Shien's compacts into frogs…*big smile* Which leaves you…completely out of luck…*cracks knuckles*

Zeon: Yep…*shoulders his gun* Sad, isn't it?

Sanzo: *calling over the cow, which has suddenly decided to dance the tango instead* You'd better make sure he's still breathing after you're through! *twitch* I feel the inane need to pummel him 'til his head cracks open and his jaw gets cramped from all the screaming...

Homura: Aw…don't worry….*flings an arm over Gojyo's neck* We'll be nice.

Zeon: *ruffles his hair* We'll be _really nice._

Gojyo:…I hate my life…T_____T

=And so, the day ends pointlessly with the keyboard "mysteriously" self-destructing, Gojyo getting destroyed, and Nataku Man saving the realm of Togenkyo with his trusty apprentice-Demon Boy, and _his _trusty apprentice-the Sword!=

Nataku: Quick! We must act quickly, Demon Boy! The citizens are all in grave peril!

Dokukakuji: Here Nataku Man! Catch! *throws him a fire extinguisher*

Nataku: *sprays back the flames happily* The Evil Flame has been vanquished! Rejoice, terror-stricken civilians; rejoice!

Kougaiji: *grabs Lirin by the ear* That's the last time I let you cook lunch by yourself!

*A pelican shuffles out in a diver's costume*

*Pelican: Squeeeeeee!!!! *giggles madly and flaps away*

~Ah…gomen, gomen…didn't know about all the mistakes in name-spelling…got them right from the anime translations and now I'm too lazy to change everything…^^;;

It's not _that_ bad though, right? I mean-there _is_ only one guy in the whole show whose name starts with "Ze", and one guy whose name is long enough to be an entire address all by itself….;

Neways, many happy holidays to those who have them (though mine are already coming to an end T__T)! Teachers are incarnations of evil, but they never believe me when I try to warn them…*sighs*

Oh yeah…has anyone else out there read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and thinks it's the best thing to have arrived since the invention of the microwavable dishes? Woohoooooo!! I can't _wait_ for the sixth book!! ^__________________^ ~

—End fic—

Ideas? Comments? Suggestions? Juz click the lil blue button below. ^-^


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